I’ve wanted to speak with psychotherapist Esther Perel (@estherperel) for years.
In a cover story, The New York Times called her the most important game changer in sexuality and relational health since Dr. Ruth.
Her TED talks on maintaining desire and rethinking infidelity have more than 17 million views, and she’s tested and been exposed to everything imaginable in thirty-four years of running her private therapy practice in New York City.
In this episode, Esther and I explore:
How to find (and convince) mentors who can change your life.
What she’s learned from Holocaust survivors.
Polyamory and close cousins.
Is there such a thing as too much honesty in relationships?
Can we want what we already have?
Why do happy people cheat?
Connect with Esther Perel:
Like Esther Perel on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/esther.perel
Follow Esther Perel on Twitter: https://twitter.com/EstherPerel
Follow Esther Perel on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/estherperelofficial
The Relationship Episode: Sex, Love, Polyamory, Marriage, and More (with Esther Perel)
Show Notes: http://tim.blog/2017/05/21/esther-perel/
00:00 Start
07:20 Esther’s background
08:58 Daughter of Holocaust survivors
17:35 Chance and choice
27:12 What comes first: trust or vulnerability?
29:03 Impermanence and living a full life
31:25 Esther’s counterphobia
33:53 Studying in Jerusalem
40:06 How to approach a mentor
49:32 Eroticism as the antidote to death
53:08 Ethical options for sexual listlessness
1:01:04 Is there such a thing as too much honesty?
1:08:39 Disclosing infidelity to a partner
1:14:09 Overcoming the fear of abandonment
1:22:08 The quarterly relationship report card
1:23:44 “Don’t ask, don’t tell” and polyamorous relationships
1:26:32 The value of relationship innovation and flexibility
1:29:00 Every relationship is a power dynamic
1:32:36 “Historically condemned and universally practiced” adultery
1:39:22 Is there still an argument for marriage?
1:45:16 Divorce rates for second marriages
1:46:57 Woes of marriage
1:50:00 Relationships through the lens of infidelity
1:53:58 Most gifted books
1:55:05 Esther’s billboard
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About Tim Ferriss:
Tim Ferriss is one of Fast Company’s “Most Innovative Business People” and an early-stage tech investor/advisor in Uber, Facebook, Twitter, Shopify, Duolingo, Alibaba, and 50+ other companies. He is also the author of five #1 New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestsellers: The 4-Hour Workweek, The 4-Hour Body, The 4-Hour Chef, Tools of Titans and Tribe of Mentors. The Observer and other media have named him “the Oprah of audio” due to the influence of his podcast, The Tim Ferriss Show, which has exceeded 200 million downloads and been selected for “Best of iTunes” three years running.
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